Kamikaze Cockatiel

Kamikaze (`kâmu'kâzee) :
[n] (Japanese) a fighter plane used for suicide missions by Japanese pilots in World War II
[n] (Japanese) a pilot trained and willing to cause a suicidal crash

Cockatiel (kŏk'ə-tēl'):
[n] A small crested Australian parrot (Nymphicus hollandicus) having gray and yellow plumage.
[Dutch: kaketielje (little cockatoo), ultimately from Malay: kakatua, cockatoo.]

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"Twack!"

That's what Randal heard at his window one evening in October of 2004. He was hard at work preparing a presentaion for a client when from off to the side came a sharp crunching sound. I guess it sounded like a cross between a woopie cushion and a bag of popcorn going crunch. Jumping out of his skin, Randal rushed over to the window to discover a small grey bird sitting there looking straight at him. It doesn't take much to move a sensitive nature lover like Randal to reach out and pull the cold critter in from the cold. He must have been real thirsty because the following day EPCOR (the utilities company) called Randal to ask if he had burst a water line. No sooner had he dropped the receiver that a detective knocked at his door and plainly asked Randal if he were operating a hydroponics grow-op. Randal responded plainly in return saying, "No, I had a very thirsty visitor drop in unexpectedly yesterday."

"Was it a parrot," asked the officer.
"I don't know," said Randal. "I think it looks more like a little grey fairy." The officer gave Randal a quizzical look as if to say, "maybe it's the Easter bunny, my good sir," and then politely excused himself and wished Randal all the best luck now that he had been chosen by the Grovenor Communitiy Fairies. But what for???

Randal gave Luis a call and asked for his opinion on the critter. Giving a short description that sounded like this: small bird, grey, with orange-red cheeks, small feet, and sounding much like a cell phone. As you can imagine Luis pulled the receiver from his ear glared at it quizzically as if to say, "maybe it's Graham Bell, my good sir." But of course he didn't say that. Instead he replied, "sounds like you have made friends with a cockatiel."

"Oh," Randal replied. "So is that a parrot of some kind."
"Well," Luis said. "It's more like an Australian good luck fairy."
"I knew it!"
"Are you going to keep it?"
"Yes," said Randal. "I think it's a good luck charm and he chose me so I'll keep it. I need to think of a name first. Can I come by Tiffany's and pick up some food?"
"Sure. I'll be there tomorrow,' Luis assured him.

  

Sure enough- Randal fell in love with the critter and the man from down under was well in control of Randal's large office environment where he lived. He roamed about the place flying freely and chatting up a storm. Luis went to visit and guess what? Hot dog! The dude sounded just like a cell phone. He was so good in fact, that Randal would sometimes be fooled. He'd hear the ring tone and off shot Randal to his coat pocket, flipped open the receiver, said hello, only to hear the phone line echo back - BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP! Ha! That's funny.

Randal gave the dude a Fairy name: Clarity. Fine, then.

Clarity lived at Randal's for about six months. Then one day Luis got a call:

"Luis, I need to find a home for Clarity. I love the bird but he is not good for business. My new intern thinks that having poop all over the office looks bad. I agree and would like to maybe sell him and find him a good home. Know anybody who might want a cockatiel?"

Luis jumped at the chance to take in another bird. Of course he wasn't going to pay for a rescued bird. Randal was a little disappointed about giving him away but Luis managed to talk him into handing Clarity over for free. Dani accompanied Luis to Randal's the night of the pick-up. Clarity was hard to catch. Even though Clarity is tame enough for sitting on your finger and shoulder he has a deadly fear of hands reaching out to grab him. He's not too fast for Luis and a towel though, I can assure you of that. Into a box he went.

On the drive home Dani insisted on changing his name. She didn't approve of Clarity and Luis was o.k. with renaming the little Aussie. "How about Clarence," Dani asked. "From that Beastie Boys song - Shake Your Rump."

"That's perfect. I don't mind that at all."

So, there you have it. Clarence came home to join us here at Salazar Manor. He talks plenty. He is the easiest going little dude and the biggest suck for atttention. His favorite things to do are sit on your shoulder and beg for attention, stare off wistfully out windows, and say "pretty bird" to his own reflection. He is a big fan of Henry Miller's portrait. Luis is certain that Clarence flings poop down at him from atop the bookshelves. Sometimes stuff will fall off onto Luis' desk and when Luis looks up there is Clarence looking down as if to say, "did you get my message, or what?" Then he swoops down and lands on Luis' other shoulder and nibbles at his ear.

Crazy bird.

Randal has a web site. Visit Randal at:
http://www.visionimages.ca